A Reality Check

*This post is for my friend Sarah, who years ago mentioned being transparent.  This is also for my friend Amanda and everyone else who appreciates it when Christians admit that sometimes day to day life, even without any tragedies, is just hard.*


For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. Psalm 62:1-2


Two years ago, or so, Mark Driscoll posted on Facebook:  "God is not angry at you!"  I thought to myself, 'You're right, Mark. He's all out pissed.'

Despite my bad feelings that day, I clicked on Mark's link and found a wonderful sermonette that bolstered my faith when it was at a low point.  Some low points are lower than others.  These are our current life shenanigans:

We need to find a new home for our dog. He has been having dominance issues and has gone so far as to bite one of the kids. No skin was broken (praise be to God!), but even with training, we can never trust him again. 

We are meeting people, and we are grateful. However, we are at that lonely phase of any move. I know it well from the many times I've moved before, but this is painful new territory for my kids. I want to solve this problem for them, but in the end, it takes time.

The car still needs to be fixed, but the siding on the rental house also needs to be fixed because the dog chewed on it while in isolation from the kids.

The housing market that looked like it might be on the upswing in our part of town is now looking rather stagnant.  The builder of our neighborhood has gone bankrupt.  If we still haven't had a buyer in the next week, we need to start rethinking the asking price.  This is not uncommon for a lot of Americans, but it still stinks to lose money on your house. In the meantime, we have the fun of paying both rent and mortgage every month.

Money being the center of a lot of woes has had me thinking of the command not to serve Mammon. There was a sermon about this in church.  John Stott mentioned it in The Cross of Christ.  Over the years I've had talks with Amanda about whether Christians are called to poverty.  With my husband's new job we're on the upswing, but like the loneliness issues, it will take time--selling our house, fixing our cars, etc--before we see the fruit of it. I can't solve the loneliness problem with money because I can't afford to enroll my kids in art/music/sports/karate classes.  I have to depend on God.

My husband and I have to trust the Lord to solve all these problems, but not in a mystical, laissez-faire kind of way.  We have to be involved.  This involvement is sometimes painful.  Why? Not just because we're sinful and struggle with the flesh, but also because we live in a fallen world.  And somewhere in this wretched mix is the Tempter and Destroyer.  I don't like blaming Satan for too much, but I also think it would be foolish to deny that he's skulking around.

So what is this non-theologian's theology of suffering?  Something from the ancient Church:  We fallen sinners walk in a fallen world, do stupid things, and fail many times.  We are most vulnerable when we are tired and hungry.  We are tempted and sometimes tormented.  But God hasn't left us alone.  He is sovereign, but He doesn't always make sense to us (why should He?). Suffering is a mystery.

Years ago when my husband and I were in Plano, Texas, a tornado was headed straight for downtown Ft. Worth. It was horrific to see on the TV. We prayed, just like thousands of others did, and the tornado made a u-turn. No kidding.

The town of Jarrell, around that same year, was completely flattened. 

The mystery of suffering is heartbreaking.

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.  He was crucified, died, and was buried.  He rose, again.  He ascended into Heaven.  He is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the quick and the dead. And until He comes again, He sustains, comforts, and leads us by His Spirit.

Through that Spirit we cry "Abba! Father!"  Whether in a war torn country or in the suburbs of the U. S. A., we need our Father.  The idea that Christians should "fake it 'til they make it" denies the goodness and love of the Father, as well as His Divinity--His very omniscience and omnipresence.

I can think of all kinds of silver linings. I have lots of hope that all these various temporary woes will get resolved.  I know in my heart of hearts that God is not angry at us.  He is here even if I can't sense His presence. And I am grateful! I may not look it with hives on my neck from being upset about the dog today (it never pays to worry). But I'm smiling as I type, counting my many blessings: That the dog's attack was not worse.  For friends willing to help us think through our options with the dog. That there is a light at the end of the repair bills.  That the house will eventually sell.  That hives go away with a good night's sleep. That tomorrow is Pentecost. (I can't imagine living this life without the Holy Spirit . . . totally and for real.)


My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.--Psalm 63:9

Missing Person: Mickey Shunick

Okay, folks. This is a serious post.  It's not fiction.  It's not spam.

A cousin's friend went missing after midnight on May 19.  Mickey Shunick was riding her bike home, alone, through neighborhoods in her hometown of Lafayette, Louisiana.  She turned 22 on May 21.  Enough time has past since she was last seen that her abductor/s could have taken Mickey anywhere.  Her family has asked that people please share this information.  My cousin's mother put it best when she said this has been devastating to all who knew Mickey.

A volunteer has made a public facebook note with websites, phone numbers, and all current information:  https://www.facebook.com/#!/notes/allison-smith-breaux/10-ways-to-help-find-mickey-shunick-missing-since-5192012-lafayette-la/374566585933996

This is an article at the Huffington Post:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/21/mickey-shunick-missing_n_1533388.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

The reward for finding her has recently been increased to $20, 000.00.

Please pray they find her soon.

Camping, Laundry, and Paperwork

(Friends and family quietly read my blog, so apologies to other readers who may find my updates a bit tedious. I'm sure one day I'll get back to blogging through a book or about homeschooling or other somesuch things . . .)

We moved into the rental house last Wednesday! Woohoo! Then Friday night we went to a Third Day Concert, that included a gig with Matt Maher, which was epic! To top off the weekend, we celebrated our Ian's eighth birthday by seeing The Avengers at the IMAX in 3D! Now for the gritty day to day:

We do not have all our stuff yet. So that we could camp out at the rental house, friends loaned us three twin mattresses and a twin airbed. I bought a queen airbed from Target. We have kitchen utensils, bedding, and all the other little necessities that the movers dropped off at the corporate (furnished) apartment before putting the rest of our worldly goods in storage.

There is a refrigerator that came with the rental, but no washer or dryer.The kids and I have been traveling daily to the apartment (25 minutes away from the house) to do laundry. They think this is the bomb because they get to watch TV. I am seriously considering handwashing everything at the rental house. I'm already using clotheslines (strung from fence posts) to dry clothes at the rental house, cutting down our time at the apartment. Why not go all the way, handwash clothes in the tub, and cut out our trips altogether?

We cannot access our possessions in storage. It's against the rules. (If you find this ridiculous, you are not alone.) We are counting down the days until we have our furniture, books, toys, and all those other things we took for granted.

From no hot water our first night in the house to an oven still waiting to be fixed, the rental has needed some work. Despite this, we like it. It's still a great location for our family, and we know that all these "oopsies" and repairs are temporary.

Paperwork. We forgot how much paperwork goes into a move. Maybe because the last time we moved via a corporation was from Dallas to Raleigh, and we only had one baby. It could also be that with all the changes in the last twelve years, there is simply more paperwork these days.

Our vehicles have been misbehaving badly. The minivan is finally fixed and should be good to go for at least another year. The sixteen year old Geo Prizm is a mess. It gets its turn to be fixed in two weeks. Until then, the minivan is the only mode of transportation other than walking. Instead of dreading taking David to and from work, I've enjoyed the alone time with him.

We are HEALTHY! Praise be to God!

We planted a garden! The kids have been without a consistent routine for three months. We still are in flux. Since I can't give them a real routine, I decided to give them dirt and plants. The kids and I had a blast planting some herbs and a few veggies in a raised garden bed that is the backyard of the rental. Gardening is good for the soul!

My husband has decided that we should go to the CREC church. We weren't sure if it was for us, but after visiting two other churches, it seems the best fit. We are looking forward to going to their growth groups and other church activities, along with worshiping with them on Sunday mornings!

This has not been our easiest move ever, but things could be far, far worse. We remain grateful that we are here! We can see the light at the end of the tunnel with all this transition muckety muck. The oven should be fixed by the end of today. Monday, paperwork wll be done until our house in Texas is sold. Wednesday, the movers arrive! Eventually, we'll have the freedom of two vehicles, again. At some point, God willing soon, the house in Texas will belong to a different family. And when Christmas rolls around, we'll start looking for our new, more permanent place, to call "home."

I know, I know . . . another post without pictures. Hopefully this weekend I'll snap a few and just do a photo blog to make up for my lack of colored pixels. ;)

Below is a video in case you need some motivation to get up and dance this weekend:





"Praise the Lord!
Sing to the Lord a new song,
His praise in the assembly of the godly!
Let Israel be glad in his Maker;
Let the children of Zion rejoice in their King!
Let them praise His name with dancing, making melody to Him with tambourine and lyre!
For the Lord takes pleasure in His people;
He adorns the humble with salvation."
Psalm 149:1-4 (ESV)

Self-Disciplined Without A Mask

I asked my husband about all the advice that women get on the web. Disregarding the bad advice, how do we follow good advice without getting caught up in a performance? Faking it is pharisaical, but we are supposed to be self-disciplined. What's the difference?

My husband said God never lies. He uses self-restraint. He shows mercy and grace. But He never lies.

When we use discretion and discernment, we are still walking in freedom. When we fall into the bondage of a performance, we are living a lie that God will be sure to uncover at some point.

So how do we live? Humbly. It takes humility to discern what is appropriate and what is diarrhea of the soul. It takes humility to admit when we've said or done too much, or too little. It takes humility to grow. It takes humility to allow others to grow, too.

And I think this is the key to humility:  You keep in mind who God is. I believe this is why the answer to what the Lord requires is so simple: To act justly and love mercy and to walk humbly with God. (Micah 6:8).

And just so you know, "humbly" doesn't mean you beat yourself up. No good parent wants their child in a constant state of remorse. Interestingly the New English Translation has this:

He wants you to ⁶  promote ⁷  justice, to be faithful, ⁸ 

and to live obediently before ⁹  your God.

Their translators decided that the best way to render "humbly with God" was "to live obediently before your God." Humility is knowing that God deserves your obedience. It is not walking around thinking you are subhuman.

I love that I can get great tips on the web about any topic--from homeschooling my kids to what to cook for dinner. However in the cacophony that is the internet, I plan to remember that the only standard I really have to live up to is God's. And all He wants from me is to love Him, to love my neighbor, and to walk humbly. For the only Person who can truly weigh my heart or my motives is my Maker.

A month (or so) later . . .

We still like Boise! The climate suits us better, and we love seeing the mountains up close and far away. I'm sure my friends in Austin will appreciate hearing though that Boise is pretty normal with the ups and downs of life.

I still haven't quite figured out shopping here. There are more grocery store chains in the area than in Austin, but it's more difficult to find everything I want in one store. Playing with prices is also more of a game out here: Winco has great prices on almost everything. Fred Meyer has pretty good prices and will pleasantly surprise you with things on sale and in-store coupons. Albertsons is best avoided unless you memorize the flyer and stick to your shopping list. Natural Grocers is much bigger than the one in Cedar Park with the same prices. I have yet to discover Rosauers. I did end up at a mom and pop grocery store on the other side of town which was a lot of fun. No Super Target dwells here, but WalMart Supercenter is everything you'd expect.

We were healthy for four straight weeks! We went on a homeschool field trip, went hiking for a few miles along the Boise River, and have had an amazingly easy time sticking with the homeschooling schedule. It's amazing what not messing with allergies can do for a family!

A stomach virus snuck into our home last weekend. When it hit the first member of our family, we thought/hoped it was something he had eaten, but it spread around. So just as we suspected, it is possible to get sick in Boise like anywhere else!

We are still in our 3 bedroom/2 bath, 1280 sq ft. corporate apartment, and we are grateful for it! If not for this apartment, the kids and I would have had to spend at least three months apart from David while we got the house in Austin ready for market and sold. I won't cover up: it's hard being in a small space. It magnifies everyone's faults. It exercises the need to be forgiving and gracious. A small space demands a sense of humor, preferably aimed at oneself, keeping you humble and real. Being here has only strengthened my beliefs that Pelagius was a nutcase. All that said, I think it's been good for all of us, especially the kids. This is the first time they've ever lived in such a small space, and it's been an eye opener to how very blessed we are.

Amazingly our friends here found a house for rent in their neighborhood that couldn't be more perfect for us. It is smaller than the house we own in Austin, but the layout makes it feel bigger. We are waiting to hear from the property management company whether our application has been accepted. God willing, we'll move into the house in two weeks.

Our house in Austin should be on the market this weekend! Woohoo! And God willing, it will sell quickly.

We're still visiting churches. The CREC church we visited the last two Sundays is wonderful, yet we're not sure that it's the church home for us. Next Sunday, we plan to visit an Acts 29 (Resurgence/Mark Driscoll) church.

I joined a homeschool support group! I plan to join their co-op next school year. We also hope to attend the big homeschool conference here at the end of May.

I guess the only other thing to add is that my husband loves his job! He's having a blast creating and coding. He leaves each morning at 7:30 and is home usually by 5:30. His new job is definitely a happy thing!

Finding Identity



Taken while lost but happy, driving around town.



We love Boise! We drove to the ski slopes which are at an elevation of over 6000 ft! We didn't have any snow gear so we got out, played in the snow for five minutes, and then drove back down--it was so fun! We went to the Idaho Historical Museum and had lunch at a friendly pub. David and the boys got their hair cut at an old fashioned barber's downtown. We have been joyfully unpacking the thirty-five boxes that we set aside for our two months in the corporate apartment. David loves his new job! We are so blessed and grateful!



Joe, icognito, on a mission to save the world.



We tried to go to church last Sunday. We even arrived fifteen minutes early. However the church had moved a few weeks prior, and unfortunately hadn't updated their website. The new church that was meeting in the building didn't know where the small Anglican Mission In America parish was congregating. We decided to go for a service at a Reformed church (CREC), but the GPS on my husband's phone took us to a house in a neighborhood. We later discovered the church was on the other side of town.

We are pretty disgusted with some of the things coming out of the mouth of the Presiding Bishop of the ECUSA. The Archbishop of Canterbury has resigned, and who knows who will succeed him. My husband said our church in Austin was a gem, and he doubts we'll find another Episcopal church like it. Our search on the web for Episcopal churches in Boise so far as proven David right.

We've only been back in the Episcopal church for a year and a half, but many Episcopal parishes seem to think they are Universalists rather than Christians. So where do we go?

It doesn't seem right to go back to the non-denominational churches. The kids like liturgy. They like the participation in the service that comes with liturgy, and they appreciate sermons that are based on the text read in the service. When we visited a non-denominational church a few months ago, the kids complained that the sermon didn't make much sense and the music was too loud . . . (and no, they weren't repeating anything we had said).

Do we go over to the Catholics? As much as we respect and admire the Roman Catholic Church, our beliefs and convictions are truly Protestant. Should we join the Baptists? My husband has good memories from his days with the Baptist Student Union at the University of Oklahoma, but he'd rather not go back to a Baptist denomination. What about the Presbyterians? Most of the books and blogs I read are Reformed. I've even gone so far as to identify myself as a modified Calvinist.

The good news is that we have time. If Austin taught us anything, it is: "Don't rush into things." We plan to decide where to go each Sunday as it comes.

For Palm Sunday, we plan to visit an Anglican church that is affiliated with the American Anglican Council and is a part of the Anglican Church in North America. We're pretty sure if it's a bust that we'll have to say goodbye to the Anglican Communion, again. No matter how well it goes, though, we want to give time a chance before settling into the church we'll call home.

Goodbye Austin

Coming home from a walk, looking down our street.

To get our mail one has to walk down the street and around the corner to a collection of locked mailboxes, much like one would find at an apartment complex.  The suburban neighborhood we live in prefers this set up because they think mailboxes clutter up front yards.  The post office prefers this because it is more efficient for delivering mail.  Some residents prefer this because mail is secure under lock and key. 

At first, six years ago, I brushed off the walk to the mailboxes as a simple curiosity of our new life in Texas.  But soon I found it inconvenient.  I wanted to walk out the front door, breathe in some fresh air, catch a glimpse of the sunset and go back into the house with my mail before a toddler could take an opportunity to climb up on a counter, or a five year old could begin a work of art on the wall.

Despite this, the irritation of not having immediate access to our mailbox brought surprising opportunities.  Many times I got our mail at night, after the kids were tucked in, drinking in the vision of the Texas night sky.   Sometimes the kids and I would get the mail as a part of a walk around the neighborhood.  Fistfulls of wildflowers--aka weeds--were pulled out by tiny hands for a spot in the kitchen window. As the kids got older, they loved the job of getting the mail on their own.  Walking around the corner out of Mom's sight was an adventure!

A rattlesnake once took up residence in the empty lot on the corner, near the mailboxes.  I could hear it rattle one night as I came up to the lot.  I couldn't bring myself to believe the rattling was truly a diamondback, but I walked in a wide arc around the corner instead of through it just to be safe.  The unseen rattler warned me for nearly a week and then disappeared.  A neighborhood newsletter confirmed a diamondback had been caught there. 

One very wet summer, when my fourth was just a baby, fat toads occupied the path to the mailboxes. My children were delighted! They squealed when the toads hopped in all directions to get out of our way. They invented stories about them and tried to catch them to bring them home.

When we were expecting something good in the mail, the path seemed so short and easy. When grief came with its shroud, the path was pure pain. The summer heat made getting the mail a profound lesson in the necessity of monotony. The clear night sky was an affirmation of God's infinite majesty.

When I think of my husband's new job in Boise, a surge of joy flutters up from my stomach then through my heart to my head, like the sensation of going down after cresting the highest point of a rollercoaster.  It's thrilling!  It's true the economy is getting better, but it doesn't diminish that this job is God's provision.  A friend who saw a post of mine on Facebook reached out and said, "I know of a job David should apply to."  And it worked!  How many times did friends suggest a job but David's skills were just not a good match?  Firmware jobs had left the U. S. A. for China and India. But this company in Boise is going against the grain and keeping firmware jobs in country because they believe in the innovation of American engineers!

This is a corporate move, picking us up from Austin at warp speed to rapidly reach escape velocity. The preparation to leave has been bittersweet. We will not miss those odious molds and pollens which doctors verify are "unique to Austin."  We will not pine away for a summer that lasts from April until late November with a merciless sun whose radiant heat burns even through the night. But we will miss the people.  We will especially miss our friends. 

We're leaving Austin. We're really going. There is no other place like it, just as there is no other place like New York or Los Angeles or Boise. Frodo and Sam couldn't have had the same adventure if they had taken a different path, and there were lessons to be learned on our path that could only be learned in Austin.

My friends, I wish I could take you all with me. I will miss you. I have never lived so long in one place in all my life. The time spent with each of you has truly enriched my life.

And Amanda, you were my first friend in Austin, and it's no secret that you are my closest friend. At times you sharpened me like iron sharpens iron, yet you were always kind and definitely a blessing.You have been like a sister and your kids seem more like nephews and nieces. I am a better wife and mother, a better person, for knowing you. You are truly a gift from God.

I would have never chosen to have our mailbox put at the end of the street, around the corner. I think individual mailboxes at the end of driveways are quaint and convenient. However, I can't deny that getting the mail in Austin proved to be a memory that I will happily keep.

If I had been told that we would be battling severe allergies and sizzling summers, I probably would not have chosen Austin. But I don't regret coming here. In fact, I leave grateful for my time among the Texas Hill Country, and I am thankful for this path the Lord took us down.

So goodbye Austin! And always, may the peace of the Lord be with you!